Hi all,

something to start blogging about again......

http://pickingupanewme.livejournal.com

:)

Hi all!!

today i finally threw away the dried flowers that he gave me, since day 1 when we were together, until now.....i also threw away all the letters that he wrote to me....those empty promises and fake lines.....no point thinking about anything anymore.....

this is going to be my last entry....looking through all my past entries since 2 or 3 yrs ago, the initial entry, until now....i realised that most of my entries are full of sadness or unhappiness...only 3 out of 10 entries are happy? sigh.... This blog started because of him......and it will end with him......

i am also getting tired of blogging about sad or unhappy stuff....i guess i will just move on....i won't be shifting my blog to elsewhere either....unless i have sth in my life for me to blog about....and maybe then, i will post the link here....and that will depend on who will actually still visit this blog...haha :p

so, thanks for being my audience and my support these years....for all the care and concerns :) i truly appreciate them, and love u all for it... :)

take care..........i will still visit other blogs though! :)

Looking at my sis today, i suddenly realised that she has been a mother for 4 yrs plus! haha....

The sister that I know, the strong tomboy-ish woman i know then has been a mother for 4 yrs plus!! with a kid so irresistably CUTE :)
time really flies..........

sleep hasn't been that great for me the past few days...try as I might to forget and not think about it (so that I won't be upset by it), I found myself plagued with dreams of him.... :( for eg, just last night again, i dreamt of him with his new girl...shucks....why did i even dream of that....think subconsciously, at the back of my brain, it still affects me.... :(

BUT, no worries, i will move on....dreams of him will stop...and i will move on with my life, with the new focus now on my future... :)

i love my mum.....always.... :) :) :) :) :)

i want to cry....but i can't...not right now...maybe weeks later...

what did i do to deserve all the hurt? i dun understand....just because of another girl? if that is the reason, i rest my case....everything is so not worth it...

u WILL regret 1 day....and whenever i say that, u know how true it is....

the pain in the heart will go away....yes it will...

i will move on and smile again soon....life's not worth crying over u.... :) :) :)

i need to stay sane....the past week was a torture....my depression is back.... :(

every waking moment is a torture now... sigh....

this makes me all the more want to get away...hence, i am going to apply for overseas studies...whether i get the scholarship or not, i am still going...i need to get away from everything here and do what i want, i need a focus to be sane and safe.....so, by next feb/mar, i'll most probably be overseas....which country i won't know...will keep those who still reads this blog updated ok....

be sane
be safe
be positive

that's what i need to be now..

i miss my bro again....and i dreamt of him that day..after such a long time...almost 9mths??

The Dream
i dreamt that he came home....and with my mum following him and asking him alot of qns, he came to the kitchen to where i was, and smiled at me...
the moment i see him, i started crying and sobbing very badly...not understanding why he is standing infront of me right then....he sat down and continued to smile the whole time, nv hearing him talk....as like all other dreams, the reasons and happenings are all warp...and my mum explained that he is there cos he was on a secret mission for his company...and since it was a dangerous one, his company arranged for his funeral first....him being to return back home is a plus point....
upon hearing that, i broke down even more...but am so thankful to god that he was back...the feelings were all so real in the dream...somehow, my bro nv spoke a single word...just smiled the whole time...and bennett had shoulder length hair in the dream(-_-)

wth right...oh wells....dreams...............i woke up after that...but because it felt so real, i couldn't believe my surroundings...the sad feeling stayed with me....and i wanted to just stay inside the dream...so desperately wanted to see my bro again in the dream.... :'( but couldn't go back to slp...sigh.... :(

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life is pretty peaceful these days..but i'm getting bored...haha....i was running ard my neighbourhood the other day, and part of the route was my way home from primary sch more than 11 yrs ago! :) it brought a smile to my face cos i remembered how happy and naive i was then... :) where everything was so protected...those were the days......sighh...

i can't wait for monday to come!!! :) can't wait to spend the next 4 days after that with that special someone!!! yays!!! haha ... :p lalalalalalalalalala!

i'm so bored....can't wait for next mon to come so that i'll be away on a secret trip with someone secretive and enjoying ourselves! hahha... :p

went back to ex company ytd to help out in this storytelling event, and realised how much i have missed all of them...the familiarity of being there and everything... :) then again, it feels different cos i am no longer a staff there and as much as i am familiar with being there, i am unfamiliar with certain things there as well....

and i can't believe i missed lala when i was there ytd! haha....so near yet so far! -_-

in this boring day, i thought abt some stuffs....and realised that i've changed....i've changed to become someone who would not tolerate being scolded for no reason at all....somehow, in a way or other, i've learnt to stand up for myself (when the time comes) and only allow myself to be penalised for things that i've really done wrong...otherwise, i dun allow anyone to penalise me for no reason at all....a far cry from the weelee of the past who just stands there and allows the person she loves to penalise and downgrade her....

i've been learning alot from a fren the past few days, one of the things include letting go and moving forward, and not looking back....it applies for myself even till now...and i learnt a great deal from him....then again, easier said than done...the theory part is there...the application part takes time n focus...but one thing that i am right is that everyone takes time to move on....it just depends how long.....

i'm so bored....and having slight headache.... sigh....

i will never, ever give u another chance to hurt me again.

I hate u.

:'(

it aches again as i think of him...and i'm tearing as i think of everything....emo period here again...sighhh.....

stop please....

i really need a very long getaway...periodic feelings like this is not helping my emotional being at all....

help..... :(

AHM is finally over! :D yays!! and congrats to zy and lala for running soooo fast! dun be too upset babe...we can always train to be better...isn't that what trng is all about? :)

ok, like i've told lala in the morning, i was desperately searching for a toilet at the 10km mark. and the ONLY ECP toilet was having looooong queue! so i ended up keeping everything in for the next 11km...painful man...takes alot of determination ok!!!! hahaha...and well, my anus suffered after that (sorry for the crudeness :p)

this yr's timing was one of my lousiest.... each yr i just got worse...sighh....oh wells, it's ok, i didn't manage to train properly anyway...but i'm proud of lala for achieving good timing with her 2nd time running a half marathon! :)

after the run, lala and i went for breakfast.....our legs couldn't support us properly!! hahahahaha....A kept calling me wrongly lo....so what...HAHAHAHA....had fun with our nonsenses again :)

class gathering after that was a small one, as many ppl said they couldn't make it last min :X oh wells, we had fun trying to recall who was what rep during our JC days...haha...and i was reminded of the fact that i was AV rep... -_- due to sabortage....haha...those were the fun and nerdy and innocent days :)

ok, gtg slp soon...am sooo looking forward to the spa this coming weekend! :)